Yeah, post title prolly sounds dumb, I don't care.

So it's the night before break. Fucking hellllll, I...wellll let me back up. I had a twenty page paper due this afternoon. I did all the research and gave a presentation and everything but didn't really *write* it so I ended up having to write it over...well, this weekend. And I didn't really have time (that's a lie, I procrastinated), so I ended up writing 5 pages Sunday, 5 pages Mon/Tues, 4 pages today...it's about 2 AM right now. I have 15.5 pages. I know what I have left to write but I haven't written it and I have to wake up at 6AM for an 8:20 class and aaaaaaaaaargh.

[Not to sound like a petulant child, but fuck my prof. I mean...if he had said or stated in the syllabus that the first draft was worth 60% of our grade (it stated that the paper was worth 70% on the whole, but I did not learn til the day it was due that hey guess what, the first draft is worth 85% of that 70% and the final draft is just worth 15%), I would have put more work into it and turned it in on time. If he had mentioned that turning it in even a few hours late means that you get 25% of the rough draft grade automatically deducted, I sure as *hell* would have put more work into it and turned it in on time.]

I don't have a "good cause" excuse - I'm just overwhelmed by 15 hrs of class and having to run two fundraisers right now and an *avalanche* of shit and I'm selectively putting things off to try to keep my head above water. And I know that excuse is going to be worth fuckall with the prof, but really...my failure here wasn't *totally* brought on by laziness.

I want to just curl up and -shut down- and maybe cry a little (okay, -bawl-) out of sheer stress but I don't have that luxury, so I will press onward.

....and I don't even know if I can make it to Secured. My prof in *that* class got the bright idea that instead of having one makeup class on one day, we should start ten minutes early for every class (five total) for the rest of the semester, which wouldn't be that awful, but it's at 8:30, I have to leave 30min in advance to get to the bus, and...bus arrives at the top and middle of the hour. Normally, I wake up at 6:30-7:00, get out the door at 8, but...it's about 2 right now, I might have time for four or five hours of sleep if I rush and I'll barely be conscious if I do that anyways and...argh. Law professors.

I'll finish this and I'll make it through tomorrow and then I'll try to pick up the pieces. I dunno, I just feel like breaking down and sobbing and it's over stupid shit like "oh god absent two days in a row, what will Secured prof think of me" and argh.

(Whoever reads this, uh...sorry for shitting up your flist with big honking text walls. :x )

( Update time! School, work, new sorta-boyfriend. )</div></div>

Kinda joking, but yeah, this is pretty fucked. I just feel really -worn- and burned-out and such.

So I'm a few weeks into the....oh wai-- it's been like a month. School is really draining - you can only take so much of waking up at 5AM, school til 3PM (or 5PM), and -then- homework and trying to fit a life in, you know?

...though, admittedly, that's only two days of the week. I mean...Monday I've got class 12-3 (with an hour break), Tuesday it's 8-3 (with about two hours' worth of breaks in there), Wed it's 8-5 (same two hours of breaks), Thurs it's 8-1 (hour and a half break), and Friday...nada. So maybe I'm just whining or bad at time management or something, but still, it's really draining. And honestly, law school on the whole is wearing really thin on me.

And then there was that fundraiser during the second week of school, chriiiiiist. I'd say something but I feel exhausted just -thinking- about it, so...I mean,  on the one hand, I feel kinda proud of myself for basically setting this up and running it on behalf of our student org and making a crapton of money , but on the other hand, this reeeeeeally makes me not want to get involved with fundraisers and the like anytime soon. Not this semester, anyways. DDD:

So what else?

As far as stuff about my tran goes...

Uh. Holy fuck. I'm out to pretty much everyone, out to all my profs (and they're calling me 'Jane/ms. [lastname]'! holyshitholyshitholyYAY), et cetera. I haven't been hassled or...or anything, really. I mean...everyone's calling me Jane (a few slipups notwithstanding) and it's really -great-. 

And, well. Maybe this'll sound kind of stupid or like putting too much stock in trappings of femininity or whatevars, but I was really worried about negative responses if I showed up in a skirt, dress, whatever? But...today was graduation picture day, I said 'hey why not, I'll get dressed up,' and....ohemgeee I wore a skirt suit* and flats without catching any shit or anything. I mean...one guy hit on me in the most awkward fashion possible, and another shoved into me as he was leaving E&T, but....that aside, everything went well. I mean, the picture prolly looked like shit because my hair was frizzy as all hell and I didn't have time to iron my blouse so it looked kinda weird and.....oh wait. As law school is like high school, I suppose law school grad pictures are like high school yearbook pictures? :v

*(well, not quite, it was more like...skirt and blouse and this thin overcoat where the top half is cut like a suit jacket, since my other suit jackets (a) don't really go with the blouse/skirt I had and (b) make me look kinda hueg. I reeeeally need to get some new suits. D: ) 

Also holy fuck:

I filed my name change petition. My court date's set for Monday. Here's hoping all goes well...I held off filing the petittion for a while because I was worried that I'd fuck it up and get chewed out in court (see, I have yet to find any premade legal forms or blueprints for drafting name change petitions outside of Google, and I was a ltitle iffy on that, even after comparing it with the statutes), and because I just.....I dunno. Before the semester started, I was kind of apprehensive because it felt like this huge, irreversible step that would alert -everyone- as to my status, you know? I mean....don't get me wrong, I -want- to be called Jane (lastname) and have that show up on legal docs and everything, but...I guess that number one, I wanted to stay as inconspicuous as possible, and number two, I was afraid of other people's disapproval? (And everything that might flow out from that. :v )

'I guess,' hahaha. I -know-. There's a lot more I can say here, but I'm tired and short on time so maybe another time? In any case...I got over that. I mean...I outed myself through the magic of (sort of) mass-messaging, got a wonderful wonderful response, and so now I'm just kinda wishing I took care of the name change in the summer.

Also also holy fuck, nothing to do with my tran:

I HAVE A JOB. The paying kind. The paying legal research kind. It's short-term, but...hopefully the guy for whom I am working will give me a decent reference?

Well, I'm about out of things to say, at least for now. Anyways. work tomorrow morning, so ..time to rest. See you later...

Job interview this last Monday. I get the impression I bombed it, -seriously- bombed it, but I guess we'll see.

(fake edit, didn't get the job. Sucks.)

In other news, I've really been laying off the booze lately, and it feels like one of the best things I could've done for myself. Gasp shock horror, I learn that I don't need liquid courage to make it through intimidating situations, and I don't need to use whiskey as an antidepressant. (...oh god I hope that doesn't sound *bad*. I mean, I wasn't falling back on it *all* the time, just....certain situations.) Muuuuch better off.

...hopefully this will mean that I can drop 10 pounds or so (er, have an easier time of it, anyways). Feel so fattttttt. ;.;

In other other news.

So. I'm taking...family law, crim pro, estates and trusts, this 'effects of sentencing' kinda class, and secured transactions next semester. That adds up to 16 credit hours, though, and I'd like my GPA to go up instead of down. 16 hours of classes means I'll have to do a ton of reading and studying and....y'know, to have any chance at decent grades, and even then it'd be a crapshoot. So I wonder:

Stay in secured or get the fuck ouuuuuuut?
Stay in E&T or drop?
Drop secured, take "HOW I GOT DOC'MENT MAEK" class [where you pretty much just have to have a pulse and minimal document drafting skill to pass] in its place?

I mean. I feel like E&T is one of those classes I 'should' take, and secured seems sorta marketable, but I'm not so sure I want to take -sixteen hours- of classes. Not so sure I want to buy five classes' worth of books, either.

Back in Stl now.

When the hell did I turn into Awkward McShy? I mean, I've been timid as fuck recently and just -freezing up- and otherwise awkward and arghhhhhhh.

So anyways, trip's over, and it was wonderful and the boyfriend was wonderful and the whole deal makes me wish even more that airfare to CA wasn't so expensive. Or that I lived closer.

In other news, argh dammit I didn't do so well on Trial Practice. I mean, I did kinda awful, though it's not my -worst- grade in law school. But after spending like $1500 on tuition to take that class and ending up with a C I just feel like an asshat.

in other other news, read this. Because wow.

End of the summer, almost...

(maybe i'll post more about the trip or whatever later but right now i'm jetlagged and exhausted as hell soooo no thanks.)

Welllll, Moot Court isn't getting done. I kinda wish I had but with all the stuff that's been going on, school-wise and otherwise, I couldn't really be arsed. Grades come out this week, though, so here's hoping my GPA gets a boost?

In other news, THURSDAY THURSDAY THURSDAY :DDDDDD
I'm gonna be visiting my boyfriend then, staying with him for a little under a week. So excitedddddddd oh god. ;.;

In other other news, I found one of those quasi-mythical (out here, at least?) $150 a session laser places last week, done got my face shot off some. They even gave me a 25% discount for....uh....being trans, pretty much? (not that I brought it up right off the bat or anything, but I listed estrace/spiro/prog on the 'what meds are you on?' part of the patient info form, sooo I guess it was apparent.) So that was a welcome surprise.

In other other other news, Coraline is hell of cute. Watch it.

Have another meme. 


( Words! meme )

Song playlist meme!

Rules are:
Pick ten or more songs, keep the playlist under 80 minutes.
Not a pick-your-favorites thing, but rather, pick "songs that describe, represent, or resonate with you personally."
Pick your favorite of the bunch, then shuffle the rest after.

...you know what? I'm gonna do two of these, because I'm like forty minutes over, sucks. "Hey that reminds me of ____ time/place" mix because I'm a horrible junkie for reminiscing and a more general one.

( Here )

So I kinda phoned that last brief in, but it's DONE

THANK FUCK -IT'S DONE-

No more school for a month and change.

...now I have to find a job. ;_;

fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

Trial tomorrow. Partner's idea of trial prep involves going off to a bar and watching a soccer match. Jury instructions and brief due at noon, trial itself starts at 6.

Gonna be a busy two days. (er, day and a half by this point, but still.)